…and welcome to my new home (page).

Or should I say, the home for the books I intend to write – because this is their place, and if they are good , they’ll thank me for giving them a nice website to show themselves off. On the other hand….

But that, dear readers (as men of letters used to say), is up to you. If lots of you read them, buy them, download them, nick them, borrow them or find them in charity shops – and in that case, frankly, anything under 50p is an insult – I suppose I will actually be able to describe myself as ‘an author’, which is rather exciting.

The trouble with this book writing business is that, with so many words knocking about– around 200,000 in the Oxford English – it’s really difficult to know which ones to choose. Then you’ve got to get them precisely the ‘write’ order (pause for weak joke to be digested). And don’t get me started on plots, characterisation and so on. I certainly haven’t.

Still, as this new Home will hopefully begin to illustrate, I’m going to have a go, as opposed to just going down the pub, which would clearly be the action of any sane man.

So let’s see how we all get on. Me banging them out and you lot all forming an orderly queue outside Foyles (an extremely good chippie in Nunhead, South London). The good news is that you won’t have to do this too often as I’ve only got one masterpiece on offer (right) and work is proceeding achingly slowly on the next blockbuster which, if you don’t like The Rose Tattoo, will be nothing like it.

Ever onwards therefore as we write and read our way to the sunny uplands of multi-million dollar film offers and personally signed copies exchanging hands for thousands. Just saying…

Oh, and if you are an agent or publisher, hungry to snap up the latest Harry Potter, I’d just like to make two very firm negotiating points. 1 I don’t mind not using my first name, and, 2 Anything over 50p will be considered.

PS. Because I know you are wondering, the picture at the top was taken by my good mate Phil, who also did the website, from the rooftop of his house in Spain. As it seemed to summon up a new dawn of creativity I thought it was very apt, as it’s about as near as my books will ever get to that.